I Lost My Grandfather Last Night

[Jason Dunn]

I'm typing this sitting at a Starbucks in Penticton, British Columbia. On Sunday night I received a phone call from my sister telling me that my grandfather was suffering from kidney and liver cancer, and was near death. This came as a complete shock to everyone - a few weeks ago he was healthy and walking around. Ashley and I got on a plane and flew to BC Monday afternoon, and got to see him open his eyes and acknowledge we were there. Last night, while I was holding his hand, he passed away - his lungs filled with fluid and his heart stopped. I've never experienced death in such a direct manner before, so it was an experience unlike anything else - and likely something I'll be exploring on my personal blog in the future. We're going to stay in Penticton until the funeral on Saturday, then we'll be heading home.<br /><br />I have no connectivity unless I walk over to the nearby shopping mall and pay $8 for an hour of online access ($13 for the day) so if I don't respond to email messages or forum posts, that's why. I'll likely be back on Sunday night and returning to work Monday morning.

[eugarps]

Jason,

I'm sure I speak for all of us, when I offer my sincere condolences. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[nosmohtac]

Jason,

My thoughts and prayers are with you as well.

It's strange how we all know, quite early in life, that death is just the natural course. It still has a very powerful effect on our lives when we experience it directly with the loss of a loved one.

I've been perusing and posting at PPCT and SMT for years, and it just struck me how a "community" such as this can make you appreciate others as well as share in their successes and losses (not too different than it would be with friends and neighbors in your home community).

[Foo Fighter]

My sincerest condolences, Jason. Losing a family member is always difficult, but to bear witness to their passing can have an even deeper effect. Was he keeping his illness a secret or was he completely unaware of his condition? If he never knew, that scares me and probably everyone else here. Makes one wonder what time bomb we may have ticking away inside, undetected.

I'll be thinking of you and your family. Take care, and feel free to take as much time off as you need to deal with this loss. Moments like these open your awareness to life's true importance...and it ain't gadgets.

Best,

Kent

[sixftunda]

Deepest condolences to your whole family.

[Dale Daniels]

We are all very sorry to hear about your loss. Take care.

[djthomas]

Sorry to hear about your loss. Take care of yourself and your family. We'll all be here when you get back.

[gordonjohansen]

My deepest sympathy on your loss. Even if you are prepared for it, there is now a piece of you that feels like it is missing.

[hawkeye]

Jason,
So sorry. I lost my grandfather about 6 weeks ago as well. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family!!

[Paul Martin]

Jason,

Thanks for sharing about your loss of your grandfather. You and your family continue to be in the prayers of many here. I lost all of my grandparents by the time I was an early teenager and I really wish I could have known them better. I'm thankful you got to be there at the end to say goodbye and "see you later's". Though I know it is difficult now, I believe it will be a memory you will treasure in the years to come.

Paul

[remon]

Jason, I'm very sorry to hear about your grandfather. Do take the time to be with your family and don't worry too much about picking up emails. The world will wait for you.

[Patrick Y.]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Please take care.

[ctmagnus]

I really suck at this kind of stuff, so I'll simply say...

So sorry.

[Hosidax]

My sincere condolences to you and your family.
Take the time you need, we will all be here for you when you return.
Ed

[spunkkat]

I am very sorry :cry: to hear about your loss...Having just lost my dad a month ago (he was terminal for a year) I have a small idea how you are doing (though quick I would think would be worse). My thoughts are with you!

[felixdd]

Jason, I am very sorry for your losses, and wish for the best during the tough period that is to come. Death is never easy, but at least it was with dignity, and in the company of loved ones -- for both your grandfather, and those who were in the room with him.

[buckyg]

I'm sorry you have lost your grandfather, Jason. My grandfather passed away earlier this year. It's not easy losing someone who was so important to our life. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

[heliod]

Jason,

Please receive the deepest condolences from a constant reader and a personal friend who, even bein quite in the other side of the world, has his mind on you and your family now.

Loosing family is already hard, being present while it is happening is even harder. I guess that the only consolation is in the fact that it relieves him from his illness and suffering.

Please extend my feelings to your family.

Best regards,

Helio

[pocketpcadmirer]

Sorry to hear about the great loss

[amesskyway]

Sorry about your loss.

[asiaexpat]

Please accept my condolences.

I am wondering if your experience of seeing death so closely has altered your thoughts about death?

[decebal]

Jason,

i can offer you my simpathy and my condoleances to you and your family and i'm telling you that a year and a half before i experienced a similar thing with my grandfather ...

keep up !
Decebal

[Nurhisham Hussein]

Jason, my sincere condolences. It's never easy losing a loved one, especially when it comes as suddenly as this has. Hold on to your faith, keep alive your memories of him, tell your children to come of the man he was...in rememberance, he will never truly be gone.

[dignow96]

Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family.

[fiegerph]

My thoughts and prayers are with you too. I have always felt that death is a struggle for us because we were not originally created to have to deal with it. When God created man, there was no death. It was not part of his original plan. I know there are no words to "make you feel better." My prayers will be for strength for you each day to just "continue on."

[crashdau]

My sincerest condolences Jason. I lost my Mother back at the end of May. Similarly, it was a shock as she was getting better during her hospital stay, then took a turn for the worst in a span of 6 hours. Time will help with the pain, but, just cherious the good times you had.

[Clinton Fitch]

Jason,

I'll be praying for you and your family.

Clint

[stlbud]

Sorry for your loss. All my prayers are with you and your family. I hope you find peace and comfort in his passing. This is a part of the celebration of life that so many of us find difficult. I believe there are special blessings and graces for anyone who helps a another die with as much comfort, love and dignity as possible.

[psyjohn]

My most sincere sympathy to you and your family at this difficult time.

[benixau]

My deepest condolences.
I wish you a long life.

[tregnier]

Jason,
I'm so sorry for your loss. May you always be reminded of the joy that he brought you, the thoughts you shared, the times you had together, and the spirit of relationship that created your closeness.

Peace and grace,

Tom

[Chris Spera]

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather, and for your loss. My deepest sympathies during this hard time for you and your family.

[amitregev]

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss Jason and hope you won't know more sorrow! :/ (this is a not-so-successful translation for a saying in Hebrew :/ ).

[yawanag]

Jason, no one is ever prepared for such a time as this. Through the years you will be most grateful that you were there. It could have been so different and you might have been saying, "if only" God granted him and you this final moment together. Rejoice.

You and your family are in my prayers.

[carln]

Sincerest condolences!!
My prayers as well.

Carl

[humayunl]

My sincere condolences to you and your family Jason. I hope you and your family have the strength to pull through this difficult period.

[freddiemac]

Jason,

My condolences on your loss. It jars us when our worlds are turned upside down by the loss of a loved one. Take the time to mourn and to celebrate his life. Emails and websites can wait. My prayers are with you.

[Darren Behan]

Sincere condolences on your loss, Jason.

db

[joelevi]

Last night, while I was holding his hand, he passed away ... I have no connectivity ... so if I don't respond to email messages or forum posts, that's why. ...

Jason, take time off... don't worry about us! Be with your family and take care of them. We'll be here when you get back.

And if any of us can do anything for you, don't hesitate to ask. We're all here for each other.

- www.JoeLevi.com, joe (at) joelevi (d0t) com

[Darius Wey]

Jason, very sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

[SpencerAR]

Jason,

I'm very sorry for your loss. Please remember that although the grief that you may feel is terribly personal, you are not alone. You have friends and fans here who are willing to give their support - whether it be friendly advice or just an ear to listen. All you have to do is ask.

Again, my condolences to you and your family.

Spencer

[phreaker18]

my heartfelt condolences Jason !!

[davea0511]

I'm sorry to hear this, Jason. A good friend of mine who've I've always held on a pedestal just died of a heart attack a couple weeks ago - so young and seemed so healthy - always took care of himself. I don't know if you are involved in a faith to sustain you, but from personal experience, re-connecting with my foundation of faith made all the difference. God bless.

[Brad Adrian]

Our thoughts and prayers are lifted up for you and your family and friends, Jason. I know that your faith will give you strength, hope and peace.

[Jonathon Watkins]

Sorry for your loss Jason. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

[saru83]

My sincere condolences to you and your family. Take care

[Cybrid]

My condolences to your family.

[bnycastro]

condolences to you and your family.

[aNiMeMaN14]

Condolences, friend. Things seem to always clear up after a death, no matter how difficult or painful it might seem. I wish you and your family the best, and your grandfather will be in my prayers.

Stay up.

[Lotto]

Jason,

By now you have probably done alot of thinking, and had time to access and process what has happened. Just know you have not lost your grandfather, I'm sure he will always be with you.

My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

[SteinyD]

Jason -

As I sat at my PC tonight and wondered where my reliable weekly fill of Pocket PC Thoughts news was, I was excited to see it delivered to my inbox this evening. However, I immediately read the sad news of your loss and the importance of the weekly digest suddenly diminished.

I am glad for you and your grandfather that you were able to be there at the time of his death. I'm sure he felt a sense a comfort knowing you were there and hand in hand &lt;tears approaching as I type this>. I am in my 40s and lost my grandfather 20+ years ago. I will always carry very fond memories of my childhood and and time I spent with him. I still become quite teary eyed when I think about it even many years later.

I wish you and your family well. I'm sure your grandfather will be missed. Keep all of the good memories close to your heart!

Best Regards,
David

[Spiralmile]

Having read this only in the past few minutes after seeing the newsletter, I had to respond. I hope you don't mind me explaining why I feel I had to write this response, and I apologise for the PDA reference, but it's just the truth of the situation.

At the time of my Grandfather's passing, and with the wonder of technology, I knew I could set a reminder (just in case I should somehow forget) to let me know I should spare some thoughts his way at this time each year. So each year, I make some personal time to think about him, his life, his happiness and influence, and read a poem that was given to me at his funeral.

This year however, I left my PDA to run dry, and was caught up in work away from home. On return, I've seen your announcement, and realised suddenly that my Grandfather was not in my mind this week. My PDA couldn't remind me, and my notebook containing the poem was left in my office.

My grandfather died on 7th August 2002, exactly 5 years ago.

My thoughts go out to you and your family, and my words can't express what I feel about this apparent coincidence.

I'd like to share the poem I read each year - I don't know if it's well-known or otherwise, but it helps me make sense of what is important.



Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you,
whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow,
laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Pray smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort,
without the trace of a shadow in it.
Life means all that it ever meant,
it is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity,
why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you
somewhere very near
just around the corner.
All is well.


Henry Scott Holland 1847-1918
Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

[k1darkknight]

Jason,
_Sorry to hear about your loss. I'm 31, and all of my grandparents had passed away, IIRC, before I was even 20. My grandpa on my dad's side was the last of them, and he had Alzheimer's (or so we think, anyway), as well as both highly deteriorated eyesight and hearing, particularly in his last several months. For that matter, he might not have had Alzheimer's, but it might have simply been that his hearing and eyesight were so bad, that he just plain couldn't recognize anyone very easily.
_In any case, I speak from experience when I say that I know it's never easy losing a loved one. However, I sincerely hope you're thankful that (if I understand your initial post correctly) he didn't suffer long-term, deteriorating health, particularly of the primary communication senses.
_Both grandparents on my mom's side died of heart attacks, so I also speak from experience, in that I've lived through the contrasts of such times. My dad's mom died of some form of cancer or other. I probably wasn't older than 10 at the time, so I just remember not visiting as often, my parents not wanting me and my younger brother &amp; sister to be an undue burden, while she was sick.
_As I said, all that was quite a few years ago, and I really don't even think of them very often any more, but my grandparents DID have at least some small influence on my early life, most likely beliefs and character... stuff along those lines. I'm certainly thankful for the time I had with them, and even now, I do miss them from time to time.
_Whether it's my grandpa baking bread from scratch, my grandma nagging him, my other grandma's sappy, slobbery kisses, or THAT grandpa setting up the old home movie projector, there are always fond memories. Going out on a philosophical limb, I'd go so far as to say that maybe the biggest role of grandparents is to create memories for their grandkids.

Peace,
Chris



P.S. - Sorry for rambling...I tend to do that...train of consciousness, and all that. Also, I normally wouldn't say this, as I tend to be very anti-"political correctness", but if anything I said came across as insensitive, I apologize. Just trying to offer some encouragement and comfort, though I've been known to have my words misinterpreted. Take care!

[Starevoli]

Jason,

Condolences to you in the loss of your grandfather --
my thoughts are with you and your family! It is a tremendous thing in a way -- to be present when a loved one passes away. I was with my mother when she passed away from lung cancer and it was one of the most profound events of my life.


Those we love and who have loved us are never far!

[Jason Dunn]

Thanks for the kind words everyone - I deeply appreciate them. It was touching to see others related their own stories of grandparents or losing loved ones - it certainly took this community to a new level and was touching to see.

I'll respond back later to some of the questions, when I'm at home and not paying $13 a day for Internet access. :wink:

[Jon Westfall]

Jason,

I waited awhile hoping that some words of comfort deeper than the generic would come to mind, but sadly there are never enough words to express the sorrow one feels at the death of a loved one. Sitting here, I cannot begin to express any sentiment other than that of someone who has been there, and hopes that for both of us, being in that place again is far in the future.

Jon.

[freakygreek]

Jason,

I'm saddened at your loss. The last time I saw my grandparents was back in 75,as they lived in greece, and was young when they passed away. I still remember them through pictures and memories of my time with them as I'm sure you will remember yours.

Sincerely

Peter

[debbi8]

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's hard to lose a grandparent. They are often our first friends, as well as our mentors. I hope you will be blessed with fond, funny and loving memories of your times together. Take care Jason - Deb

[Mikey]

I will be praying for you &amp; your family during this tough time. Romans 8:28 comes to mind. Mike

[bvkeen]

I am sorry for your loss, Jason. I lost my wife 6 years ago next month, and I know all too well that the death of a loved one takes something out of your soul.

While we know that our parents and grandparents will not be with us forever, losing them can be very difficult. Grandparents love you unconditionally, and the loss of unconditional love cannot be replaced.

I wish you and your family well. I am glad you were at least able to be with him when he passed.

[T-Will]

Jason, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My grandparents on my dad's side are still alive, but are in their 90's, so I know they could go anytime so I try to cherish the time I do get to spend with them.

[Steven Cedrone]

Jason,

Your family is in our prayers. So sorry for your loss...

Steve

[martin_ayton]

Jason, I'll add my prayers to all the others offered. I know you believe in Heaven, so your Grandfather is not just in your past: He's in your future too.

[Jason Dunn]

Was he keeping his illness a secret or was he completely unaware of his condition? If he never knew, that scares me and probably everyone else here.

Yes and no. He was jaundiced quite badly, so he must have known something was up, but he didn't go into the hospital on his own - a much younger neighbour of his took him into the hospital and while there they discovered he had kidney stones. When they went in to get the stones out, they discovered growths on his kidney that looked cancerous. They did a few more tests and thought he had cancer of the kidneys and liver, but they had to wait until the following week for the only Oncologist to get back from the long weekend vacation (there are never enough specialists!). He didn't tell his wife anything was wrong, and my parents didn't even know he was in the hospital until they randomly came up for a visit on the tail-end of their vacation. Five days later he passed away.

Be honest with your friends and family...they're the ones that care about you.

[Jason Dunn]

I am wondering if your experience of seeing death so closely has altered your thoughts about death?

It hasn't altered my thoughts about death, at least not in a way I can pinpoint yet, but it has certainly made death more "real" to me. I'm 32 years old and have been fortunate to have lived a life relatively un-touched by death. My other grandfather passed away a few years back (also from cancer), but other than that I've never lost a friend or family member, ever.

As a Christian I believe that death is just a stage of moving on, not a final stage.

[billyevil]

I haven't been to the site in a long time, and just read this thread. I'm very sorry you lost your grandfather. I live a life much like yours, at 33 I've been lucky. A few years back my brother got churg strauss syndrome and I thought I would lose him. He recovered, but ever since I've been very different. Something about really understanding how fragile it all is and how it can all go away in a single breath makes me so much more appreciative of the times I spend with those that I love. It's all just too short and too painful when we lose people. Again, I'm sorry.