Dog Haiku

[JackTheTripper]

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever wil be

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts - I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and weep

I sound the alarm!
Meter reader - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss, well,
Maybe catching cats

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do

The cat is not all
Bad - she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls

Dig under fence - why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more - I call
Them a vocation

My owners' mood is
Romantic - I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.


P.S. Yes, I'm aware many are not true Haiku. But still thought they were funny.

[Jonathon Watkins]

:lol: Excellent collection there Jack. :razzing:

(I'm a cat person myself).

[dean_shan]

What? Today's not Friday. You jumped the gun there Jack. :wink:

[Kati Compton]

Here by popular demand: Cat Haikus.

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today.
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit hairball somewhere.
Will find in morning.

Grace personified
I leap into the window
I meant to do that

Blur of motion, then-
Silence, me, a paper bag
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds
Your foot just squashed one.

You're always typing
Well, let's see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box
You cannot see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Terrible battle
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a "term paper"?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don't leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws
Don't even think about it!
My yelps will wake the dead

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper.
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in the bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp....

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much"

Litter box not there
You must have moved it again
I'll crap in the sink

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt.

[Jonathon Watkins]

:lol: What a great thread. My education has been Soooooo remiss up to this point!. :wink:

Did you guys write these yourselves?

[JackTheTripper]

Thank you so much for those Kati. I'm actually a cat person myself but found the dog Haiku on another board and thought I'd share. Many laughs from the cat Haiku. Fav is:

The rule for today.
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Dean: Friday it is not. It was some Monday morning funnies. (Yes, I know it was Tuesday. I work at a CU and had Monday off. :p)

[Kati Compton]

The rule for today.
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.
Yes, my husband and I quote the "New rule tomorrow" part semi-frequently.

And no, I did not write them. They're the kind of thing that gets Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Cat Haikus. ;)