Oh, what the heck - It's a slow day... Here's a real "groaner" ;-)

[Steven Cedrone]

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

[Kati Compton]

*GROAN*

:)

[Steven Cedrone]

See, I told you!!!!

Steve

[Janak Parekh]

I'm not sure if it even deserves a groan. Kati was being overly generous. :lol:

--janak

[Dave Beauvais]

:jester:

Thus concludes this useless post-count increasing post.

[DrtyBlvd]

Then again, it's the kind of thing MY Mom would have said... :lol:

[ntractv]

Okay after that one, this topic is now a free for all so I submit to you the following for you consideration:

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens. The farmer puts the rooster straight in the pen so he can down to business. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fellow, time to retire". The old rooster says, "You can't handle all this chickens.......look at what it did to me". The young rooster replies, "now don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike." The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon, just let me have the two old girls over in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster says, Scram, beat it. You're washed up. I'm taking over."

So the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop. And I'm so feeble, why not give me a little head start?"

The young rooster says, "Sure, why not, you know I'll beat you." They line up in back of the farmhouse and get a chicken to cluck "Go" and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, see what's going on, grabs his shotgun and... BOOM. He shoots the young rooster dead. He shakes his head gloomingly and says to his wife................"Son of gun, third gay rooster I bought this week.

(Never underestimate the cleverness of your seniors) :multi: [/b]

[Kati Compton]

I'm not sure if it even deserves a groan. Kati was being overly generous. :lol:


Nah - that's the kind of joke my dad tells, and the type of humor I've been trained to groan for. ;)

[Kati Compton]

Momma cow is holding the baby cow she just gave birth to. Her girlfriend cow is standing there and says "Oh, how cute! And she's just 1/4 of a pound. What are you going to call her?"

Momma cow replies: "Patty."

[ntractv]

Momma cow is holding the baby cow she just gave birth to. Her girlfriend cow is standing there and says "Oh, how cute! And she's just 1/4 of a pound. What are you going to call her?"

Momma cow replies: "Patty."

That calls for one big "Fast Food GGGGRRRROOOOAAAANNNNN"

[Jimmy Dodd]

Two old bulls are standing on a hill, watching a farmer unload the new, young stud that will replace them. As soon as the famer drops the gate the young bull leaps out of the truck and immediately "services" one of the cows. Then another. And another.

After watching this continuing spectacle of youth and vigor he can't possibly match, one bull starts snorting and stamping the ground, kicking up a cloud of dust and showing off his machismo as best he can at his age. The second bull says "You can't fight him. He's years younger than you. He'll kill you!"

"Fight him?" says the first bull. "I'm just making sure he doesn't mistake me for a cow!"

[DrtyBlvd]

Film crew making a documentary on Lions in Africa.

Sound man and camera man creeping up on pride of big hairy toothed ones lazing under a tree..

Sound man realises the camera man isn't beside him anymore..turns, and sees...

The camera man with his equipment on the floor, just putting on a pair of Nikes...

He crawls back to him and says..

"What on earth are you doing?!? You'll never out-run a Lion!?!"

To which the camera man says....

"Doesn't matter"..."As long as I out-run you"

[pocketpcdude1024]

These are great! :lol:

[Lotto]

An Irish man shows up in a pub one day and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they are empty and calls the bartender for three more. The bartender says, 'Sure it's up to yourself, but wouldn't you rather I was bringing them one at a time? Then they'll be fresh and cold.'
'Nah...' your man says, ' I'm preferrin' that ye bring 'em three at a time. You see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that we'd drink to each other's honour this way.'

'Well,' says the bartender, 'that's a grand thing to do, all right. I'll bring the pints as you ask.'

Well, time goes on and your man's peculiar habit is known and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day though, he comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened to one of the brothers. A group of the regulars corner the bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened. With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and says, 'Here's your pints... and let me offer my sincerest condolences. What happened?'

The Irish man looks extremely puzzled for a moment, and then starts laughing.

'Oh, no, no, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've given up drinking for Lent...'

[Pat Logsdon]

Here's any easy one:

What has 8 arms and 8 legs?

8 pirates!

Another:

Long ago lived a sea captain named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a lookout spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate retrieved the captain's red shirt, and Captain Bravo led his mates into battle and defeated the pirates. Later on, the lookout spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again yelled for his red shirt and once again they vanquished the pirates.

That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain: "Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle?"

Captain Bravo replied: "If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood, and thus, you men will continue to resist, unafraid." All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual call.

Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his mighty sailing ship and calmly shouted: "Get me my brown pants."

[shawnc]

I LOVE THIS SITE :popcorn: !

[Sven Johannsen]

I met a Pirate once. At least he looked like a Pirate, peg leg, hook for a hand, patch over one eye. He was so colorful I had to ask if he really was a Pirate, and he said he had been in his younger days. We struck up a conversation and I asked about his leg. He said he had lost it when he fell overboard in shark infested waters. I asked about the hook and that was actually lost in a sword fight. When I asked about the patch he was a bit hesitant but admitted that he was looking up one day and a seagull pooped in his eye. I said that couldn't be how he lost it, but he said " Arrh, it was the first day I had me hook."

[Ekkie Tepsupornchai]

Here's a REALLY bad one:

Three guys have to take a long trip through the desert and each one had to bring something to help them survive the journey. The first guy brings a huge bag of dried snacks and says, "I brought all this food because you can't survive one week without food". The second one proceeds to show everyone several canteens of water and proclaims, "You can't survive one day without water". Both look to the third guy who proudly displays his item saying, "Look here, I brought us a car door".

"A car door? What the heck do we need a car door for?", says the other two.

"In case it gets hot, you can roll down the window"

[Crystal Eitle]

Q. Where does the pirate keep his buccaneers?

A. In his buckin' hat!

--------

A pirate walks into a bar. He's got one of those big wooden steering wheels from a ship shoved down the front of his pants. Bartender looks at him, says "that can't be comfortable." Pirate says:

"Yarrrrrgh. It's drivin' me nuts!"

----------

So did y'all hear about the new pirate movie?

It's rated AAARRRRGH.

(sorry.) :splat:

[Steven Cedrone]

Ya know, I should lock this thread... :lol:

But instead, I think when all of the "worst jokes in history" are posted, I'm going to add a poll to find out which is the worst... :twisted:

Steve

[pocketpcdude1024]

Ya know, I should lock this thread.

Aww.... :(

[Kati Compton]

Two peanuts were walking down the road. One was assaulted.... peanut.

<rim shot>

[Jeff Rutledge]

Two dyslexics walk into a bra...

[Lotto]

I fear this thread how just now taken a slight turn.... :lol:

Steve you should have never encouraged the bad ones!

[Janak Parekh]

Steve,

Here (http://www.google.com/search?q=worst+joke+ever&sourceid=mozilla-search&start=0&start=0)'s a Google search on "worst joke ever". ;)

--janak (2,999th post! 8O)

[Kati Compton]

Here (http://www.google.com/search?q=worst+joke+ever&sourceid=mozilla-search&start=0&start=0)'s a Google search on "worst joke ever". ;)

Now you're taking the fun out of it....

[Janak Parekh]

Now you're taking the fun out of it....
True. Sorry. :oops:

On the other hand, you're a researcher... you should appreciate my thoroughness... where's the gratitude!? ;)

--janak

[Ekkie Tepsupornchai]

2,999th post! 8O
You're the ultimate :jester: !! :wink:

:werenotworthy:

[Brad Adrian]

A farmer is visiting his neighboring farmer, when he notices a pig in the pen with one wooden leg. Curious, he asks how the pig got a wooden leg.

The other farmer says, "Two months ago, my young daughter fell into our well. That little pig noticed it and ran immediately to me and squealed and squealed until I followed it to the well. We got her out just in time."

He continues, "Then last month, we had a fire in our house in the middle of the night. That pig saw the flames, jumped through a window and pulled my entire family to safety."

The first farmer says, "Well, those are interesting stories, but what do they have to do with the pig having a wooden leg?"

Replies the pig's owner, "With a pig that special, you hate to eat him all at once."

[Stik]

Bill Gates dies and is up at the pearly gates.
St Peter: Well, you've got a choice. Have a look around here. Pop down to Hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check us out, and then let me know your decision.
Bill has a look around heaven. Lots's of somber people singing hymns, praising the Lord .
He goes down to Hell. There are beautiful beaches, lots of sun, sand, attractive women . Long cool drinks that never get you drunk. He loves it. He goes back to St Peter.
Gates: Look, I know you're really doing good things here, but Hell seems more with it. More my kind of scene, you know what I mean? No hard feelings, but I pick Hell.
St Peter: No worries. You've got it.
Bill finds himself back in Hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. He can't figure it out.
Bill Gates: Hey! St Peter! Where are the beautiful girls and long beaches and cool drinks?
St Peter: Sorry Mr. Gates, that was just the demo version

[toncek]

What's the difference between a rabbit and a flying rabbit?

A flying rabbit has an eagle on its back.

[whatsnext?]

did you hear about the blond who was stuck on the escalator for hours when the power went out? :bangin: :alfdance: :iamwithstupid:

:armed:-God bless our soldiers

[Shadowcat]

Bill Gates dies and is up at the pearly gates.
Bill finds himself back in Hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. He can't figure it out.
Bill Gates: Hey! St Peter! Where are the beautiful girls and long beaches and cool drinks?
St Peter: Sorry Mr. Gates, that was just the demo version

I came across a version in which St. Peter told Mr. Gates that he was looking at a screensaver :roll: