DrtyBlvd
03-06-2003, 01:21 AM
And a bit of humour to balance the scorecard....
> Rumsfeld Calls For Preemptive Strike on Louisiana
>
> February 14, 2003
>
> By Diane E. Dees
>
> In a speech that surprised even such high-level Republican
> confidantes as Bill Frist, Tom Delay and Britt Hume, U.S. Secretary of
> Defense Donald Rumsfeld today called on Congress to allow President
> Bush to proceed with plans for military action against the state of
> Louisiana.
>
> "We do not have the luxury of time to debate our strategy," Rumsfeld
> told a group that included members of the Senate and House Armed
> Services Committees, leaders of both houses of Congress, and selected
> members of the news media.
>
> "Louisiana has demonstrated, time and time again, that it is not
> interested in peaceful coexistence with the United States," the
> Secretary claimed. "The leadership there says one thing and does
> another. They tell the world that they have no desire to be
> aggressive, yet we have proof beyond a doubt that they are producing
> weapons of mass destruction, and that they would use them against us,
> especially if they had too much to drink."
>
> "Louisianians are like that," he added.
>
> When asked what types of weapons of mass destruction Louisiana had,
> Rumsfeld turned the podium over to Secretary of State Colin Powell,
> who produced a series of line drawings of Tabasco Sauce bottles and
> containers of cayenne pepper.
>
> "They have capsaicin," said Powell. "And frankly, "we have never
> before seen chemical weapons of this intensity. Each small bottle of
> Tabasco sauce contains 720 drops. A teaspoon of the stuff has 60
> drops. Two to three drops of capsaicin at these levels can disable
> someone, and five to six drops can cause choking, heart palpitations,
> respiratory decompensation, and even death. Four drops if the person
> is from Minnesota."
>
> Powell went on to describe Scoville units, the units by which pepper
> heat is measured, and said that the deadly chemical was produced in a
> remote part of Louisiana known as Avery Island. According to the
> dossier from which Powell read, when all four production lines of the
> Avery Island factory are in operation, over 450,000 bottles of Tabasco
> can be produced in a single day.
>
> "That is enough to kill every man, woman and child in the free world
> many times over," he said.
>
> Secretary Rumsfeld then returned to the podium and fielded questions
> about his new military directive, which he called a necessary assault
> on what President Bush is referring to as the Axis of Carville.
>
> "The President believes, and I agree with him, that no one in America
> is safe until Louisiana is disarmed," Rumsfeld announced. When asked
> about the possibility of sending UN weapons inspectors to Louisiana,
> Rumsfeld became impatient:
>
> "There you go again, with the inspection song and dance. Don't you
> think that hasn't been tried? Every inspector that was ever sent there
> wound up in New Orleans, and came back drunk and weighing an extra ten
> pounds. If you knew anything at all about Louisiana, you wouldn't be
> asking such an inane question."
>
> Asked about the possibility of allowing Louisiana time to disarm on
> its own, Rumsfeld said intelligence reports showed that if left to
> their own devices, the state's leaders would eventually distribute
> capsaicin throughout every major city in the United States. There are
> already more than a thousand Popeyes Fried Chicken franchises in the
> country, he said, and there are many other ways to introduce capsaicin
> to the population.
>
> "But what about Governor Foster?" a reporter asked. "Isn't he a
> Republican?"
>
> Rumsfeld smiled. "We're really not sure anymore, after the November
> election," he said, "and anyway, his term will be up soon. And if you
> don't think Mary Landrieu knows about the Tabasco plant, you are more
> naove than even I could imagine."
>
> Later, at a briefing on the latest addition to the growing list of
> places the United States will attack, Press Secretary Ari Fleischer
> was asked if President Bush had visited Louisiana. Fleischer replied,
> "He thinks he may have been there when he was governor of Texas, but
> he isn't sure when. I think right now it's somewhat murky."
>
> "Louisiana has a lot of oil, Ari," Helen Thomas asserted. "My
> understanding is that it has 18 petroleum refineries, 27,250 producing
> wells, and is home to two of our four strategic oil reserves. Do you
> want us to believe that the proposed attack on Louisiana isn't part of
> the White House's plan to confiscate oil on a world-wide basis?"
>
> "Helen, it's certainly true that Louisiana has a crude oil reserve of
> 529 million barrels of oil, but the president has no interest in that.
> What he does have an interest in is the security of the American
> people, and that security cannot be maintained unless Louisiana is
> disarmed of its stash of chemical weapons."
>
> With that remark, Fleischer ended the news conference. Later,
> however, reporters had a chance to talk with President Bush, who
> invited some of them to the golf course.
>
> Asked if he thought an attack on Louisiana would be hard to sell to
> the American people, the president replied that American citizens were
> becoming more and more suspicious of the motives of foreign countries,
> and that they would not hesitate to do whatever was necessary to
> protect national security. When told that Louisiana was one of the
> fifty states, Bush nodded and said "God bless America."
>
> Asked about allegations that the White House wanted to attack
> Louisiana for its oil, Bush turned and faced the group. "I can assure
> you," he said, "I know all about the allegations. They are crawling
> around all the swamps in Louisiana. Some of them are ten feet long.
> Make no mistake: we will hunt them down, and we will bring them to
> justice."
>
> The reporter reminded President Bush that Texas had even larger oil
> reserves than Louisiana. "Can we expect a future attack on Texas,
> too?"
>
> The President turned toward the second hole. "Now watch this drive,"
> he said, then, turning and winking, added, "Don't mess with Texas."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Rumsfeld Calls For Preemptive Strike on Louisiana
>
> February 14, 2003
>
> By Diane E. Dees
>
> In a speech that surprised even such high-level Republican
> confidantes as Bill Frist, Tom Delay and Britt Hume, U.S. Secretary of
> Defense Donald Rumsfeld today called on Congress to allow President
> Bush to proceed with plans for military action against the state of
> Louisiana.
>
> "We do not have the luxury of time to debate our strategy," Rumsfeld
> told a group that included members of the Senate and House Armed
> Services Committees, leaders of both houses of Congress, and selected
> members of the news media.
>
> "Louisiana has demonstrated, time and time again, that it is not
> interested in peaceful coexistence with the United States," the
> Secretary claimed. "The leadership there says one thing and does
> another. They tell the world that they have no desire to be
> aggressive, yet we have proof beyond a doubt that they are producing
> weapons of mass destruction, and that they would use them against us,
> especially if they had too much to drink."
>
> "Louisianians are like that," he added.
>
> When asked what types of weapons of mass destruction Louisiana had,
> Rumsfeld turned the podium over to Secretary of State Colin Powell,
> who produced a series of line drawings of Tabasco Sauce bottles and
> containers of cayenne pepper.
>
> "They have capsaicin," said Powell. "And frankly, "we have never
> before seen chemical weapons of this intensity. Each small bottle of
> Tabasco sauce contains 720 drops. A teaspoon of the stuff has 60
> drops. Two to three drops of capsaicin at these levels can disable
> someone, and five to six drops can cause choking, heart palpitations,
> respiratory decompensation, and even death. Four drops if the person
> is from Minnesota."
>
> Powell went on to describe Scoville units, the units by which pepper
> heat is measured, and said that the deadly chemical was produced in a
> remote part of Louisiana known as Avery Island. According to the
> dossier from which Powell read, when all four production lines of the
> Avery Island factory are in operation, over 450,000 bottles of Tabasco
> can be produced in a single day.
>
> "That is enough to kill every man, woman and child in the free world
> many times over," he said.
>
> Secretary Rumsfeld then returned to the podium and fielded questions
> about his new military directive, which he called a necessary assault
> on what President Bush is referring to as the Axis of Carville.
>
> "The President believes, and I agree with him, that no one in America
> is safe until Louisiana is disarmed," Rumsfeld announced. When asked
> about the possibility of sending UN weapons inspectors to Louisiana,
> Rumsfeld became impatient:
>
> "There you go again, with the inspection song and dance. Don't you
> think that hasn't been tried? Every inspector that was ever sent there
> wound up in New Orleans, and came back drunk and weighing an extra ten
> pounds. If you knew anything at all about Louisiana, you wouldn't be
> asking such an inane question."
>
> Asked about the possibility of allowing Louisiana time to disarm on
> its own, Rumsfeld said intelligence reports showed that if left to
> their own devices, the state's leaders would eventually distribute
> capsaicin throughout every major city in the United States. There are
> already more than a thousand Popeyes Fried Chicken franchises in the
> country, he said, and there are many other ways to introduce capsaicin
> to the population.
>
> "But what about Governor Foster?" a reporter asked. "Isn't he a
> Republican?"
>
> Rumsfeld smiled. "We're really not sure anymore, after the November
> election," he said, "and anyway, his term will be up soon. And if you
> don't think Mary Landrieu knows about the Tabasco plant, you are more
> naove than even I could imagine."
>
> Later, at a briefing on the latest addition to the growing list of
> places the United States will attack, Press Secretary Ari Fleischer
> was asked if President Bush had visited Louisiana. Fleischer replied,
> "He thinks he may have been there when he was governor of Texas, but
> he isn't sure when. I think right now it's somewhat murky."
>
> "Louisiana has a lot of oil, Ari," Helen Thomas asserted. "My
> understanding is that it has 18 petroleum refineries, 27,250 producing
> wells, and is home to two of our four strategic oil reserves. Do you
> want us to believe that the proposed attack on Louisiana isn't part of
> the White House's plan to confiscate oil on a world-wide basis?"
>
> "Helen, it's certainly true that Louisiana has a crude oil reserve of
> 529 million barrels of oil, but the president has no interest in that.
> What he does have an interest in is the security of the American
> people, and that security cannot be maintained unless Louisiana is
> disarmed of its stash of chemical weapons."
>
> With that remark, Fleischer ended the news conference. Later,
> however, reporters had a chance to talk with President Bush, who
> invited some of them to the golf course.
>
> Asked if he thought an attack on Louisiana would be hard to sell to
> the American people, the president replied that American citizens were
> becoming more and more suspicious of the motives of foreign countries,
> and that they would not hesitate to do whatever was necessary to
> protect national security. When told that Louisiana was one of the
> fifty states, Bush nodded and said "God bless America."
>
> Asked about allegations that the White House wanted to attack
> Louisiana for its oil, Bush turned and faced the group. "I can assure
> you," he said, "I know all about the allegations. They are crawling
> around all the swamps in Louisiana. Some of them are ten feet long.
> Make no mistake: we will hunt them down, and we will bring them to
> justice."
>
> The reporter reminded President Bush that Texas had even larger oil
> reserves than Louisiana. "Can we expect a future attack on Texas,
> too?"
>
> The President turned toward the second hole. "Now watch this drive,"
> he said, then, turning and winking, added, "Don't mess with Texas."
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