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Actually, that is not so surprising. Professionals in America are working some pretty staggering hours. My law firm expects 100 hour weeks on a semi regular basis. The fact that you have extremely valuable skills (as a lawyer, coder, whatever) and that the cost of health benefits is astronomical, make it extremely attractive for employers to get a lot of work from a few people whose work is trusted.
If you love the work, you can manage well, but it always takes drawing lines. I have found that balance requires a firm stance and diplomatic approach. I have a gorgeous wife and adorable daughter (and another child on the way), and I like to spend time with them. Plus I'm addicted to video games and like to read and am very involved in my community and church. So I just tell the other attorneys that my personal activities make me a better lawyer and are likely to help me bring in more business in the future. So far that has been fine. If ever it is not, then I will just start my own firm. Easy enough. One challenge that law grads face is that they often have a hundred thousand dollars in debt from their ivy league law school, which makes mobility a little difficult. At least programmers probably don't have that problem to quite the same degree.
Fortunately I have no student loans (full scholarship) and the mortgage on my house is almost paid off, so I have a lot of flexibility for someone so young. My heart goes out to people who feel trapped, but I do think people ought to take more assertive stands and leave a job when it doesn't make them happy. Life is too short to spend any of it not doing good in this world and not finding joy in your pursuits. If everyone individually demanded fair treatment, there would be no need for laws and unions that require it. And if people are willing to do the work you do for less pay or under worse conditions, then maybe you have things better than you realize.
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