Gadgetiquette 101

[Darius Wey]

<div class='os_post_top_link'><a href='http://www.siliconvalley.com/mld/siliconvalley/rss/12781026.htm' target='_blank'>http://www.siliconvalley.com/mld/si...ss/12781026.htm</a><br /><br /></div><i>"The underlying assumption is that every moment of time must be filled, if not in actual human interaction or contemplative thought, then by electronic means. It's a perception that gadget makers -- and increasingly, entertainment companies -- are only too happy to exploit. The evidence is everywhere. Board a BART train and count the number of passengers plugged into their iPods and disengaged from the world around them. Sit in a cafe and notice the couples speaking, not to each other, but to other people on their cell phones. This week's Cellular Telecommunications &amp; Internet Association conference in San Francisco was devoted to finding new ways to lay claim to those spare moments waiting in line at Costco or queued for the Southwest cattle call at the airport... It's almost as if, in this media-saturated culture, we're afraid to be alone with our thoughts. For even a moment."</i><br /><br />Oh, I'm so guilty of this. If I'm on a bus, a train, out with friends, or even waiting in an airport lounge, there's a high chance that I'll be tapping away on my Pocket PC or talking on my mobile phone at least once. And I'm willing to bet that I'm not the only one. With more and more gadgets being unleashed into the market, it seems none of us can escape this world of digital immersion and are consequently throwing the rules of social behaviour out the door.<br /><br />Now that the weekend is here, why don't we start by reading <a href="http://www.siliconvalley.com/mld/siliconvalley/rss/12781026.htm">this article</a> and then sharing a story or two: are you "plugged" into some sort of electronic device 24/7, or can you happily confess that you follow a strict code of "gadgetiquette" wherever possible? ;)

[darkfire07]

I'm the first to respond? How interesting. My position on the issue is that Emily Post would need to adapt to our changing times; that etiquette has changed over time. I do think physical, non electronic interaction should come before multimedia distractions, ie if you're out with a group of friends, the first priority should be the people there, not the people or games or sports or soaps available via your mobile phone. However, at least in the group of people I regularly socialize with, these things aren't seen as insults. Do people on the morning BART usually talk to each other? If not, what's the problem with some sort of gadget based entertainment? How is it different for me to sit there with my PocketPC reading an ebook while listening to music, or playing a game, than for someone to be reading the paper or a paperback book? And as for the Blackberry thing....if you don't want to do work when you're out and about, and aren't on call, then leave the device at home or in the car. I'm not offended by that. However, I am part of the connected generation, so perhaps my viewpoint isn't shared by those earlier generations.
DF7

[Jon Westfall]

I'm reminded of an incident a few years back where I was out with friends and got an emergency page from a client. I used my i-mate Pocket PC to log in to Terminal Services and change the errant permission, then log into the online ticket system and email the client back. It took about 20 minutes and I engaged in conversation while I waited for things to load. At the end of the time, someone made a comment about my being distracted to which I replied "Yes, but if I hadn't been distracted for the last 20 minutes, I would have been racing home to fix the problem thus ending our time out, or distracted for the next 3 hours wondering what the emergency was". So in cases where business is on the line or emergencies, I believe violating social etiquette is acceptable.

However, the following list are things I wouldn't consider acceptable:

1. While out with friends, having one member of the group break away to engage in a 5+ minute conversation of virtually no importance (i.e. "Hello"...."Oh not much, you"....."I'm out with &lt;name>"....."Really?"..... etc... for 10 - 15 minutes while you blankly stare at them)

2. Blatently ignoring a presentation or person speaking to play with your cell phone / PDA (Playing with a cell phone is especially annoying as the presenter KNOWS you're probably not doing anything meeting-related. A PDA at least lets them think you're taking notes instead of playing solitaire)

Item 1 annoys me more than 2, as I have one friend who is a chronic talker. It doesn't help that he leads a very active social life and is normally visiting me away from his home. I can take 1 girl calling him asking how he is and a quick 5 minute conversation. It gets annoying when it's 3+ girls (Or the same girl repeatedly) that tie him up on the phone for 20 minutes, then tie him up on IM for the next 30. Of course, he tends to stop when I reach over and press the power button on his laptop... :)

[Darius Wey]

I'm reminded of an incident a few years back where I was out with friends and got an emergency page from a client. I used my i-mate Pocket PC to log in to Terminal Services and change the errant permission, then log into the online ticket system and email the client back. It took about 20 minutes and I engaged in conversation while I waited for things to load. At the end of the time, someone made a comment about my being distracted to which I replied "Yes, but if I hadn't been distracted for the last 20 minutes, I would have been racing home to fix the problem thus ending our time out, or distracted for the next 3 hours wondering what the emergency was". So in cases where business is on the line or emergencies, I believe violating social etiquette is acceptable.

I've been in that boat. There was once a time when I was alerted to a very important work-related issue that needed attention, so it was my Pocket PC to the rescue. That 5-10 minutes saved me from hours of pain later, and what could have otherwise been a short night out with my friends.

However, the following list are things I wouldn't consider acceptable:

1. While out with friends, having one member of the group break away to engage in a 5+ minute conversation of virtually no importance (i.e. "Hello"...."Oh not much, you"....."I'm out with &lt;name>"....."Really?"..... etc... for 10 - 15 minutes while you blankly stare at them)

I know a few people who do that. While I've gotten used to it, it's something I avoid doing myself. If I'm on the phone while out, it's usually a quick family-related or work-related call that lasts a minute or two.

It's interesting how much social behaviour has changed ever since phones, PDAs and MP3 players became all the rage. :)

[unxmully]

I was at a meeting with a third party when a mnemonic was used that I'd heard before but didn't know what it meant.

Out came the iPaq and bluetooth phone, a quick google and I was away.

As I say, not specifically a social occasion but it helped me out of a spot.

[ricksfiona]

There was a fire a couple of blocks up the street and it took out the power for the entire neighborhood for several hours. It was kinda cool not hearing any of the noises associated with electronics and I got a lot of organization done! It was also nice just to kick back and read and do other non-computer stuff.

Since then, I have designated one weekend a month to be non-connected and computer free. I'm going to work and try to make it every weekend, but that will take some time. I think it's totally possible.

I have a pretty simple rule when it comes to using cell phone/computers and socializing. Never use equipment when you are physically with someone unless it is a real emergency. If your cell phone buzzez (it should be on silent when you are with someone), you can figure if it's an emergency or not. You can always tell the caller you'll get back to them later.

[emuelle1]

I always have a Pocket PC and a cell phone with me, but I don't use them anywhere near as much as I should. Even in waiting rooms, I often leave it in my pocket. I'm not so sure we're any less connected to society now than before all these portable electronics. 20 years ago, everyone on a bus was reading a newspaper. I don't remember people being friendlier and more open even 10 years ago.

Yesterday, I was in the middle of a QA inspection when my cell phone rang. It was my wife's sister calling me because her other sister was trying to figure out how to work my riding mower. Ugh. That was interesting. The guy inspecting me forgave me.

[PDADoc]

This is an interesting thread. :)

I think, however, that the people who use this board are (by and large) representative of another interesting demographic: I could be wrong about this, but the context of some conversations lead me to believe that many of you seem to work in the information technology sector, or at least in some computer-oriented occupation.

As such, I believe that there will always be some sort of disconnect when it comes to what one thinks is acceptable and therefore not considered a breach of any manners.

I'm a physician, and while it isn't uncommon for me to have to be contacted several times a day, I find that I'm able to find a quiet place out of people's earshot to conduct my [brief] conversation. I also think that there are a couple of things going on as well: one, some people aren't truly aware of just how powerful the speakers in their phones are, and therefore tend to raise their voices to unacceptable levels, thereby disrupting the people around them. And two, there is (at least in Manhattan, though I suspect it's everywhere) what I call people's unrealistically high sense of self-importance. That nothing can be done without them having to chime in.

Now, admittedly, I'm only talking about mobile phones. My take is this: as long as what another person is doing doesn't encroach on my right to peace and quiet (such as it is), then I don't really care. It's when people force their conversations on me that I really lose it.

I'm ashamed to admit this, but a few months ago, there was a fellow in a restaurant at the next table yelling into his phone, and disrupting my lunch. When three times I politely asked him to please lower his voice, he made some disparaging remarks which led me to take his phone and remove the battery. Now, as unruly as he was, I clearly overstepped my boundaries and was dead wrong. But this is just a sampling of some of the altercations I have witnessed in my area alone.

What's the answer? I don't know. My feeling is that as long as there's human nature, there'll be abuse on some level.

[felixdd]

To what degree are what the article cited as examples a "detachment" from social interaction? While a cellular phone may "detach" you from your immediate surroundings, it is simultaneously "attaching" you to a surrounding too far for you to otherwise interact with. As far as technology is concerned, it has also enabled many new forms of interaction that simply did not exist beforehand.

Is technology turning us "autophobic"? I do not think so. Humans are simply not used to doing the "nothingness" that the article seems to advocate. Even when you are alone, trying to meditate, you are still trying to achieve some ends. One way or another, we will find ways to preoccupy ourselves during these "spare moments waiting in line at Costco"; perhaps the complaint should be launched towards how one distracts oneself during these moments. Of course, that leads to another can of worms altogether.

[Darius Wey]

Here's an interesting article I found: http://itmanagement.earthweb.com/columns/article.php/3552881

[PDADoc]

Felix,

pardon the remark, but that sounds like a bunch of existential gobbledegook! :)

The fact of the matter is this: you can only comment on what you do when you're alone with nothing to do. It would hardly be right to assume that everyone is on the same wavelength to that end. I respect your right to conjecture on that front, but only individuals can truly say for sure what goes on when they're alone, and what they're trying to accomplish -- or not accomplish. :)

[jgalindo]

I am posting this from the bathroom..............................

[Phillip Dyson]

I agree with some of Dawn's points.

First of all, sitting with one person and constantly taking (or making) phone calls is rude. Its no different than sitting with one person but only making conversation with others around you. Even in the middle of a one-on-one conversation with your company.

I do feel that people are missing a level of intimacy when a brief moment of silence or stillness with someone must be filled with some unrelated activity.

I've never understood people need to answer every call. Let the voice mail pick it up and get back to them later.

I have a cousin that used to say that he would never get a cell phone, because he hated the idea that people could reach him wherever he was. I simply told him that he didn't have to answer.

That being said, I think it all needs to be handled on a case by case basis. I'm sure Dawn wouldn't have minded her husband checking his email, if he were expecting a communication about a new job. Assuming that she could trust him to use good judgement in her presence as to what is really important. Meaning that interuption was an exception and not the rule of his behavior.

[RKosin]

How about an intervention SMS to a "crack"berry user :devilboy:

[felixdd]

Felix,

pardon the remark, but that sounds like a bunch of existential gobbledegook! :)

The fact of the matter is this: you can only comment on what you do when you're alone with nothing to do. It would hardly be right to assume that everyone is on the same wavelength to that end. I respect your right to conjecture on that front, but only individuals can truly say for sure what goes on when they're alone, and what they're trying to accomplish -- or not accomplish. :)

Well I guess I'm nitpicking to begin with, but if you read the article, part of its ciriticism is that people insist on being constantly preoccupied. Well, even if you plan a block of your day to do "nothing", you're still intending to "do" nothing (yes, I am getting existential here).

What riles me sometimes is the tendency of people to make comparisons, and the tendency to come to the quick decision that things are changing for the worst, as opposed to just plain changing. IMHO, it's unrealistic to expect the world to remain static.

[PDADoc]

It's all well and good to be riled up, but the fact still remains that not all changes are for the better. You can file this one under one word: parallax.

And besides that, why get riled up over that? Of all the things in the world to get annoyed by, surely there are better targets out there, even for an existentialist. Although Sartre was known to be a bit of a git himself! :) :wink:

[rmasinag]

I don't think this is any different from people reading a book. So it's not new, it's just in electronic form.

[KTamas]

I am posting this from the bathroom..............................
:lol:

[BarryB]

I'm going to be self-righteous, at least a little bit. Feel free to skip my post.

I love tech. How could I be here and not love it?

I don't love all tech any more or any less than you do. There are devices that serve no useful purpose and devices that would be cool except for one dumb thing or another. But there are some that are so cool, you just have to love them.

I see people using cell phones at 7:00 in the morning. I know _no one_ who would tolerate being called at 7 in the morning.

I teach college. My class gets out and 18-year-olds haul out their cell phones and check their messages. They don't know what it means to be out of touch with friends and family. They will never be alone.

We start to take the ability to access any information, anywhere, anytime, as a given. We never need to remember anything because we can Google it within a minute. I am sure that others besides myself liken the ubiquitous contact and collective memory to a hive mind.

I assign papers in my classes. For the last two years, every work cited has been a web page. Every one. No book. No magazine. No paper at all. Good? Bad? I'm mixed on the subject, but I think within ten years, every book and magazine ever written will be digitized and on the Web. The subject will be moot.

What I find more disturbing that the use of technology is the idea that every moment of our time not filled by work or entertainment is wasted. I enjoy being alone with my thoughts. But I have noticed over the past few years that rather than sit quietly and think about things, I fire up the computer and check my usual web sites for news. I scan forums for new posts.

That disturbs me. I wonder if the youngsters who have grown up in this age have never learned how to be alone with themselves. I wonder if that is a bad thing or perhaps I'm merely assuming that the way I've grown up is the best way of all.

[Gerard]

It's mostly matters of taste. There have always been busybody gossippy chatterboxes, loudmouthed jerks, and any number of other descriptions of boorish sorts. Cellphones have only enabled these idiots to engage in verbal diarrhea with others not in line-of-sight. Pagers warned us of this advent. Long before cellphones, 'important' people were frequently interrupting conversations and filling the air with beeping noises.

As my proficiency with Pocket PCs has branched into rather diverse realms of use, those around me have come to appreciate the ready contributions of all sorts made possible. Grabbing useful business factoids, or recalling a particular poem to share (which one in a group remembers only slightly, but he's long since lost the paperback...), and in so many other ways a mobile browser is handy.

A cellphone only recently made its way into my pocket. I find it useful, but need it no more than 15 minutes per day (5 hours on it since purchase in August). I'm tasteful in how it is used, never interrupting a conversation to answer. My skills are important to my clients, but there is no job which cannot wait an hour or two. Oh sure, the odd person imagines theirs to be the most urgent crisis in the world! But none match the importance of chatting with my kid or just enjoying a walk.

Those with bad taste will always find ways to inflict it upon others. That's human nature. It's up to the rest of us to enjoy making fun of them... or pulling their batteries.

[jgalindo]

Posting from my bed now.......


I always leave the cell phone volume off and wait for people to leave me a message and return calls at my convenience. I like asynchronous communications.

[PetiteFlower]

I always leave the cell phone volume off and wait for people to leave me a message and return calls at my convenience.

Of course, if everyone did that, then no one would ever actually talk to each other, it would just be endless voice mail.

[jgalindo]

I always leave the cell phone volume off and wait for people to leave me a message and return calls at my convenience.

Of course, if everyone did that, then no one would ever actually talk to each other, it would just be endless voice mail.


Of course I also schedule phone calls with clients or answer calls when I feel like it 8)

[beq]

Off topic: Hi, is this the same PDADoc that I recall seeing from ThinkPads forum? :)

Since my main PDA2k had died I'm running with an unconfigured JAM, so I find I'm using my X41 Tablet more and more...

[PDADoc]

Yes, I'm the same one from Thinkpads.com :)

Love my X41 Tablet, sort of, LOL! :lol: :mrgreen:

[beq]

I keep thinking if I get a K-JAM and mate it with my X41 Tablet, then I should be able to get a JasJar as an offspring, naturally without having to buy one ;)

--beq

P.S. Out of disposable $$$, but trying to decide whether to save up to get a Z60t first, or JasJar...

[PDADoc]

I keep thinking if I get a K-JAM and mate it with my X41 Tablet, then I should be able to get a JasJar as an offspring, naturally without having to buy one ;)

--beq

P.S. Out of disposable $$$, but trying to decide whether to save up to get a Z60t first, or JasJar...

LOL!!!! :lol:

[Jonathon Watkins]

I have a pretty simple rule when it comes to using cell phone/computers and socializing. Never use equipment when you are physically with someone unless it is a real emergency. If your cell phone buzzez (it should be on silent when you are with someone), you can figure if it's an emergency or not. You can always tell the caller you'll get back to them later.

Yes, that's what I try to do as well. If I get an incoming call, I try and glance to see who it is and if I am expecting an important call, I ask the person who I am with if I could briefly take the call. I then usually get up and go somewhere quiet for a bried (few minutes maximim) call, or usually ask themto call me back in x minutes.

[Phoenix]

I'll be the first to nominate the word "gadgetiquette" as a needed formal entry in any given dictionary. Hey, if they can include terms like "chickflick" and "bling bling", then why not this?


OK, back OT, I think that everyone should just be as rude as humanly possible when out and about with family and friends, etc., while using their gadgets. Why not? Screw relationship! All that matters is electricity - bits and bytes!

Of course, I'm joking. More and more people are only going to be more and more jacked in, in some form or another, with some gadget or another. That's life. But people can't forget etiquette. Manners count. Always will. There are exceptions (such as work emergency, etc.), but manners are what, among other things, help differentiate human from beast. Don't think technology alone will do that.

Imagine if we played "String Figures" instead of messing around with our phones and PPCs, while people were trying to talk and relate to us in person... how rude and stupid would that be? So why do we think that just because we have a device in our hands, that ignoring people suddenly becomes "OK"?

When you're out with other humans, behave.

[Steve Jordan]

I'm not a robot... if I'm standing in line, or taking a break at lunch, I don't just "go offline" and drool on people. I'm thinking. (Honest.) Maybe about the next book I'm going to write, or about one of my hobbies, or about my favorite music. My mind is filling up my time off, with thoughts.

If I'm doing that, I don't see what the big deal is to take out my PPC and take notes on my novel draft, or jot down discoveries to apply to my hobbies, or just listen to my music. These things help me organize my thoughts, and aid my enjoyment of things like my favorite jazz music.

OTOH, I'm not going to ignore someone right in front of me to check sports scores, play games, or even to answer my cell. I usually turn it off (or set it on buzz) in public places. I generally note the caller ID and put it away. If I'm expecting an important call from just that person, then I politely say "Sorry, please excuse me," and get off the phone as soon as possible. So far, I've done that exactly twice.

Using gadgets when you're not engaged in something (or someone) else is always cool. But they should always be second to whomever is right in front of you.