Humor: Victims of Male Bashing Jokes Strike Back

[Ed Hansberry]

1. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

3. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me."

5. How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

6. Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

7. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

8. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.

9. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

11. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

12. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.

13. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

14. Our last fight was my fault; My wife asked me. "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

15. Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

16. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

17. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

18. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

19. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

20. Why do brides wear white? Men like their dishwasher to match the fridge and range

:rotfl:

[JustinGTP]

OH MY GOD!! That is soooo funny,

but this in practice in real life would be discrimination of course, but hey, its still hilarious!!

-Justin

:rotfl:

[easylife]

You should move this into the OFF-TOPIC forum! :lol:

[JackTheTripper]

Why do men only get one ear pierced? That's when they pass out.

[PetiteFlower]

Just because male bashing jokes are wrong, does that make it ok to post this sort of hateful sexist crap? I don't think so. My mommy taught me that 2 wrongs don't make a right when I was 5 years old. One should rise above and set an example, not sink to the level of retaliating at things that piss them off.

[Ed Hansberry]

Just because male bashing jokes are wrong, does that make it ok to post this sort of hateful sexist crap?Oh come on. You need to be able to laugh at yourself. THis was sent to me by a friend. His wife gave it to him and my wife thought it way hysterical.

[dh]

Just because male bashing jokes are wrong, does that make it ok to post this sort of hateful sexist crap?Oh come on. You need to be able to laugh at yourself. THis was sent to me by a friend. His wife gave it to him and my wife thought it way hysterical.
Since today is my anniversary, I can certainly relate to the wedding cake one :rotfl:
My wife thought they were really funny as well.

[PetiteFlower]

I can't even read crap like this without getting uncontrollably angry. I don't think it's funny, laughing at yourself for things that are true is one thing but for lies and stereotypes it's a totally different story. There are plenty of things to laugh about without making light of these negative gender stereotypes.

And yes, I WOULD get just as upset if you posted male-bashing jokes.

[Steven Cedrone]

Thread locked and moved to HOF&S...

;-) (http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/images/goodwifeguide.gif)

Steven Cedrone
Community Moderator

[Ed Hansberry]

I can't even read crap like this without getting uncontrollably angry. I don't think it's funny, laughing at yourself for things that are true is one thing but for lies and stereotypes it's a totally different story. There are plenty of things to laugh about without making light of these negative gender stereotypes.

And yes, I WOULD get just as upset if you posted male-bashing jokes.
But you wouldn't get just as upset if you bashed males, right?

http://www.pocketpcthoughts.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=166180

Well that's what you get for asking men, they so rarely make sense you know.

At the risk of really ticking off Steve, I'm putting this back in the OT forum because these jokes are funny and to be controlled by one person whinning as if offended and ruining it for everyone else just doesn't sit well, especially when they are hypocritical about it. :roll:

[dh]

You're the MAN Ed!!

This country is overrun with wimpy political correctness. Us guys have to make a stand :way to go:

Of course I'll now have to try and sneak over the Ben Franklin Bridge trying to avoid PetiteFlower everyday. :D

[Ed Hansberry]

You're the MAN Ed!!

This country is overrun with wimpy political correctness. Us guys have to make a stand :way to go:
Has nothing to do with us guys. Just us people. :D

[shawnc]

The 1st thing I did when I read this is send it to my wife. She sends me the male-bashing jokes all the time. Every once in a while a little bit of off-topic, harmless humor is a nice diversion to the day.

You did the right thing Ed. It's got nothing to do with whether the jokes are male or female bashing. They were all done in good taste and obviously harmless. Anyone taking offense needs to LIGHTEN-UP!

[easylife]

Ed, in PetiteFlower's 1000+ posts how did you manage to find that particular male-bashing one? :D

Oh, and thanks for moving it back to the regular forum. I think this is the first time a thread has been resurrected from HOFS! 8)

[Ed Hansberry]

Ed, in PetiteFlower's 1000+ posts how did you manage to find that particular male-bashing one? :D I didn't. Someone else pointed it out.

Enough about that. Lets see more jokes. :D

[dh]

Here's one for PF :D

In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces, "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a few minutes, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$50,000 for a male brain, and $2,000 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. The men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. One man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more than the female brain?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and then replied to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used."

Oh, by the way nice Hallowene touch young Honda.

[Jeff Rutledge]

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.

“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”

“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

[JustinGTP]

Ha ha ha, thats so funny!

Thanks for the comment dh, and I might change the halloween ones because I have been recieving complaints about how they are "too hard on the eyes"

-Justin.

I did them really fast and they look too garish and low quality for my tastes anyways :|

[JackTheTripper]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

at everythihng!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[maximus]

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a few minutes, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$50,000 for a male brain, and $2,000 for a female brain."


Hey, did you swap the prices ? I remember reading this jokes sometimes ago, but the prices were swapped. :wink:

p.s. Yeah Honda, nice job on the halloween theme, how about christmas theme ? :D

[JustinGTP]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

at everythihng!

:lol: :lol: :lol:



??????

[PetiteFlower]

I personally can tell the difference between mean spirited jokes and non-mean spirited jokes. And thank you Ed for going through the hundreds of lines and intelligent statements I've made to find the one tiny little joke. I notice you cut out my smiley too. How mature and worthy of the moderator position you are.

But then again, the fact that you thought these jokes were appropriate to post just shows what kind of person you are, and that's all I need to know.

[Ed Hansberry]

I personally can tell the difference between mean spirited jokes and non-mean spirited jokes.Please, share with us your formula for doing so. It must be magical because if you can tell the difference with 100% accuracy, you are the first person in the world to do so. It seems that all other jokes in history, no matter how benign, have offended someone. :roll: And thank you Ed for going through the hundreds of lines and intelligent statements I've made to find the one tiny little joke.I didn't. Someone pointed it out to me.I notice you cut out my smiley too. How mature and worthy of the moderator position you are.And you ignored the title of this thread that started off "Humor." Does a smiley mean you are joking but a post that starts with "humor" doesn't?

[PetiteFlower]

Never mind already. You have missed my point and obviously no amount of explaining is going to get you to see it, so I'm not going to waste my time. I hope steve puts this thread back where it belongs, but that's the last I have to say on it.

[DimensionZero]

:hippy: :ppclove: :grouphug: :ladysman:
LOL, can't we all just get along!!

[Ed Hansberry]

DimensionZero, your penguin signature is offensive to me. How anyone could shed an evil light on penguins is beyond me.


:wink: :rotfl:

[JonnoB]

Ok, here is one for you.

Three couples wanted to join a church. The three couples were made up of an older retired couple, a middle-aged couple with a few kids at home and a newly-wed couple.

The pastor asked each of the couples to prove their faith and loyalty by abstaining from intimate relations for two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, each couple was to return and report how well they did.

---- 2 weeks later ----

The pastor first addressed the older couple how well they did. The couple responded saying it was fairly easy and that they abstained and were ready to enter the church. The pastor welcomed them with a 'good job -welcome to our church'

The pastor then addressed the middle-aged couple and asked how well they did. The couple responded saying they had succeeded, but found it difficult and in fact, as time wore on, they needed to sleep seperately to avoid the temptation. The pastor congratulated them for persisting and welcomed them into the church.

The pastor then turned to the newly-wed couple and asked if they were able to succeed as the other couples had. The new groom sheepishly responded that they did not and proceeded to provide an explanation.
Groom said, "It was difficult and I could not control myself. You see, my wife dropped a can of paint and bent over to pick it up. I was taken up in emotion and desire and just had to have her right then."

The pastor, looked down sadly and responsed, "I am sorry, you won't be welcome in our church." and the groom quickly reported back, "I kind figured that, we aren't welcome at Home Depot either anymore."
:D

[Mark Kenepp]

DimensionZero, your penguin signature is offensive to me. How anyone could shed an evil light on penguins is beyond me.


:wink: :rotfl:

Just think where we would be if we couldn't take out our aggressions by wantonly attacking penguins?

If you think about all the places in the world that have been ravaged by war and violence, there are no penguins to be found so everyone is taking it out on each other :grinning devil:

You never hear about terror attacks at the zoo (at least in the penguin section) :wink:

[disconnected]

I loved those beer commercials with the mysterious penguins -- the dooby-dooby-do ones, especially the one on the train. Now that I've been reminded of them, I'd love to have them for my PocketPC if they're available anywhere.

[maximus]

Well, talking about commercials, down here, beer commercials are banned from TVs by the government. Due to some religious reason.

I find that really amusing.

[ctmagnus]

Well, talking about commercials, down here, beer commercials are banned from TVs by the government. Due to some religious reason.

Two words: Drunk nuns

:mrgreen:

[Skoobouy]

Hmph. Some of the later jokes on here were funny, but I feel that many of the jokes in the first post were pretty sick. My dad thought he'd be funny and sent something similar to my mother--problem is, he'd always sort of behaved towards her like she was a "house elf." It wasn't funny; it upset her greatly.

Look: the reason why some of the more destructive parts of feminism exist is because too many men have refused to treat women with the respect they deserve, in the most basic and easy of ways (like not posting stuff like that). It's not a question of "turnabout is fair play"--the very expectation that women should be docile in the face of jokes like "There is a clock on the oven" is a kind of sneer triumphalism.

Your own wives' responses is not a valid signal that sensitivity is no longer called for in the public forum.